You know what really grinds my gears? Well, it’s that time of year when the kids are getting off for the summer. I mean, kids are still kids. They should be going to school year round. I know I should have.
I bet kids haven’t really changed a bit, other than being more disrespectful and always on their phones. Take homework. I never did homework. I came home, threw my books on my desk, and that was the end of my homework. My mother always asked if I did my home work, and of course I always lied through my teeth and said I did. She was always busy cleaning or cooking so she never bothered to look at my homework to make sure.
Then I went to school the next day. Of course I knew I hadn’t done my homework. The savior was Ronald. He always did his homework. To give you an idea what Ronald looked like, picture Bart Simpson’s friend Milhouse, except Ronald had brown hair, not blue. All of us guys would be waiting for Ronald. “Hey Ronald! What’s the answers to the homework?” Then we’d write them all down. Thirty kids in the class, 20 papers were turned in with Ronald’s name on it.
One day the teacher called me up to his desk and said, “Daniel. I know you haven’t been the one doing your homework. It’s really a shame. You have the chance to be something very fine like a doctor or a lawyer. So what we’re going to do is put you in the slow class.”
Now some of you might find that embarrassing, but I didn’t. I always noticed that they were always taking the slow kids to places like the zoo or the museum. I figured that beats sitting in class doing boring classwork any day. There was one catch.
The teacher said, “You will take this note home to your father and he will come in to school tomorrow and we will explain to him why you’re in the slow class.”
Now I’m getting worried. I said, “Ah, um, my father don’t particularly care.”
He said, “Bring your father in.”
Very nervously I answered, “Ah, if you make my father come in, he’s going to get mad at you and probably beat you up!”
Very tiredly he said, “Just bring your father in.”
Now I’m up shit creek without a plunger. I got home before my father did, but when he did get home, he was sitting on the couch watching TV. I went up to him and handed him the note.
It didn’t take long for him to get mad. “What the hell is this?”
I said, “I don’t really know dad. You see, I was in class reading, and all of a sudden the teacher said that I was no damn good and he was putting me in the dumb class. He also said you have to come to school tomorrow.”
My dad was furious. He said, “What time am I supposed to be there? He’s not getting away with treating my son like that!”
Oh brother, now I had really done it! What could I do? I had dug my own grave. The next thing was to go in my room and write my will. BTW, I left everything – including my baseball cards, marbles, and comic books to my mom.
So the next morning we got to school and to my classroom. The teacher said, “Mr. Schneider, I really hated to have to put Daniel in the slow class, but the fact of the matter is, he will not work. We’ve asked him to do homework and he refuses. He does his classroom assignments with the least amount of effort he can. I realize that you work hard to support him, and are giving him many opportunities that you never had but he is just wasting them because he is lazy.”
All of a sudden my father hauled off and gave me five across the eyes. He yelled at me, “You said he said you were no good and put you in the dumb class for no reason. This is a nice man.” He then clocked me again.
My teacher said, “Mr. Schneider I think you’re killing your son.”
Dad said, “That’s right! I brought him into this world and I’ll take him out! I’m taking him home now. You probably won’t have him in school tomorrow!”
Yeah, he took me home alright. What happened? Let’s just say I ate dinner standing up that night!
I should have gone to school all year long because I was such a douchebag and today’s kids are worse. Do their parents discipline them? No, they sit them down and try and reason with them. Yeah, that works real well, doesn’t it? Kids are going to hell these days and it’s Generation X and the Millenials that are responsible.
That’s what really grinds my gears!
Stay safe and Hail Victory!
American Nazi Party